I often get asked: How
and why did you start losing weight? We’ll get to the how next week.
So,
let’s rewind to January 2019, and begin with the why.
 |
December 2018.
I'm so glad my sister-in-law captured this moment with my baby nephew <3 (blurred) |
I
really do wish I had one simple answer or one specific decisive moment. One
heartfelt (or negative) conversation with a friend or a relative. A break-up. A
fight. A rock-bottom. Losing a job. Trying to prove myself to someone. But the
truth is… that wasn’t the case for me. It was January 2019; I was 245.6 pounds
and could have kept going.
I didn’t wait for the near-death warning at the doctor’s office
to change my life. It wasn’t anything in specific, it was everything.
It
took me some time to understand that you can be happy with yourself and still
want to improve yourself. I didn’t want to lose weight before because, quite honestly,
I didn’t care to. I was good. I was enjoying life. Why should I try to tackle a
journey everyone struggles so much with? I don’t want that for me. Why would I
put myself through a stressful weight loss journey, when I’m just fine? Everyone
says it’s difficult. Everyone says it’s challenging. Everyone on a diet hates
their bodies. I don’t. I’m gucci. I don’t need that.
And
yes. I was happy. I felt healthy… Until I didn’t.
Shortness
of breath, constant exhaustion, lack of physical motivation, falling asleep at
work… And then there was the superficial side of my motivation: wanting to wear
rompers, jumpsuits, heels, and cute clothes I could never find at plus-size
stores. Then there were my nephews, whom I loved playing with, but I just didn’t
have enough energy to prance around long enough for. Then I started
going on more dates, and even though I had never been insecure, it sometimes crossed
my mind that boys might focus on my weight and not me. Then there was this idea
in the back of my head that my mom was concerned about my health, and I wanted
to give her one less thing to stress about. I also didn’t want to get diabetes
and I’m scared of needles… So, I thought, like, “Gotta chill on the donuts.”
Lizzo’s
Good as Hell song made me reflect on my life. It spoke to me in ways no other
song has. It’s hilarious to think about now, but I kept saying: Am I feeling
good as hell? I’m not. Why am I not feeling good as hell? How do I get there
again? I played that song over and over again, and still love it so much.
Lastly,
my job was a huge indication that something was wrong with the way I was eating
and my lack of exercise. I love my job a lot; I enjoy going to work every day.
However, I was starting to fall asleep in my office. I didn’t feel the joy of
coordinating an event, or a retreat, or a workshop, or a conference- and these
were all things I loved to do. It then daunted on me that my lack of
motivation at work was a consequence of my weight and not taking my vitamins.
All
these small reasons built up, and then one weekend I decided it was going to
happen. And so, it did.
It
just happened.
On
Friday, January 18th, 2019, I got off work and decided that I was ready to
change all the things that were not making me feel healthy and to improve my
life.
This has to come from within you.
You have to want it. Really want it.
I wired my
brain into understanding that improving myself
was not synonymous with hating
myself; rather, I realized
that it was synonymous with loving myself so much
that
I wanted to be the best version of myself I could possibly be.
My
weight loss journey officially began on Monday, January 21st, 2019
at 245.6 pounds.
 |
| January 2019 |
I
told myself that if I wanted it so badly, I would do it.
You
just need to want it. You need to put on your big-girl panties and do the work.
Things won’t change unless you do.
If
you continue doing the same things you’ve always done, you’ll get the same
results in the end. Yeah, you might enjoy that one-hour of binge eating while
watching Netflix, but what is that hour adding to your life? In what ways are
your everyday decisions improving your life? Health is an everyday choice. I
later discovered that the secret to losing weight was nothing but simple
logical math: 1 + 1 = 2. It doesn’t matter how many self-help books you read,
how many YouTube videos you watch, or how many IG accounts you follow; if it
doesn’t come from within you, it won’t work.
Vision what you want.
Whether that is to be skinny, healthy, or fit
Then ask yourself: how bad do you want it?
Because if you don’t want it bad enough, you will quit.
And if you want it, you'll do it.
Making the decision to change my life was, by far, the best decision I've ever made. Don't wait for your health to deteriorate to live healthy. Don't wait for the warning bells to ring. Do it. Do it now. You don't need a reason other than taking back your own life. This is your time, this is your year.
If
you want it, you’ll do it.
Be kind to people.
-Cabi
